Congressman Brad Sherman Declares War on Iran

by oneangrycomic

Congressman Brad Sherman (D-CA), speaking in Washington today, delcared war on Iran. "I know that I can't get our armed forces to actually attack until we go through the annoying process of talking about it first, but gee-wiz, AIPAC is getting cranky with me", whined Sherman. Pictured addressing a crowd, Sherman appeared to be very nervous that the US hadn't attacked Iran yet, despite clear orders from Israel.

"This Giant Squid Hamas/Iran thingy should be enough evidence for us to act on already. What more could the president possibly need in order to proceed? After all, we attacked Iraq based on what Israel told us and that has worked out really nicely for us", gushed Sherman. As evidence from Mossad continued to mount, AIPAC controlled newpapers and media hammered away at the American public. "What's good for Israel is good for us", claimed FoxNews, "The Wall Street Journal" and just about every other media owned by Rupert Murdoch.

editor's note - Congressman Sherman had an American flag lapel pin on, but it was hidden by the microphone. Sherman's people were very concerned that the congressman was surrounded by Israeli flags in the middle of downtown Washington, DC without one single American flag showing! "I wouldn't want the American people to think I was putting Israel ahead of MY country", cried Sherman

Mossad Ties Hamas & Iran to Giant Squid

by oneangrycomic

Israel's intelligence agency Mossad today revealed more evidence linking Hamas and Iran to the recent Giant Squid attacks (see other stories). In the latest photo, captured during a daring Israeli commando raid, Iranian scientists are seen bathing an adolescent squid in radioactive water at one of their secret nuclear facilities. "We believe that the radioactive waste water is crucial to the final stage of development", explained Mossad scientist Wannabe Mengele (no relation to Josef).

The evidence is building daily that Palestinians and Iranian scientists have been working together for decades; Hamas reportedly took over the experiments in 1987. According to Mossad, newborn babies are being kidnapped from Israeli hospitals by Hamas terrorists and spirited away to a secret Iranian nuclear plant. The babies are then bonded to a specially bred squid and the resulting hybrid squid is then subjected to radioactive baths to accelerate their growth. It is thought that the babies are taken from Israel because they probably won't eat shellfish, but this has not been confirmed.

In a speech given before the US congress, Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak expressed his concern that the US hasn't attacked Iran yet. "This matter deserves your immediate attention before we are attacked by an army of Giant Squid", cried Barak. Congress quickly voted to attack Iran, while AIPAC representatives collected the ballots to ensure a fair count. However, President Obama vetoed the declaration of war on Iran, citing really shitty intelligence from Israel about Iraq. Obama could not be reached for comment as he is hiding in a nuclear bunker, fearing for his life after daring to oppose Israel's orders.

Barak vowed to continue to release more evidence linking Palestinians and Iran to the Giant Squid. Barak had intended to visit other countries to seek support, but his friends advised against it because (as with many Israeli politicians) most countries would arrest him for war crimes if he was stupid enough to try and visit.

Mossad Uncovers Deadly Hamas/Iran Plot

by oneangrycomic

In what can only be described as a bizarre plot to create a hybrid human squid, Mossad announced today that it has uncovered overwhelming evidence that Hamas, with backing from Iraninan scientists, has been conducting sinister research for years. "We can say with 100% assurance that we can now prove that Hamas and Iranian scientists have developed a secret weapon capable of MASS DESTRUCTION!", cried Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak.

Apparently, the Giant Squid that was responsible for the attack on the USS Liberty, Gaza Flotilla and Americans at a hockey game, is actually the result of a fiendish plot to create a secret weapon. Babies kidnapped from Israeli hospitals by Hamas terrorists have been taken to a secret lab in Iran for experimentation. The beta test squid was released decades ago and has been responsible for several known disastrous attacks.

Dr. Wannabe Mengele (no relation to Josef), of the Israeli Special Science branch of Mossad has been able to piece the puzzle together by examining photographs of children being mutated by radioactive squid. The photograph above was captured during a raid by Israelis at a secret Iranian facility.

In a statement released by Mossad News, Barak is calling for a nuclear attack on Iran. "We have the proof now and we need to act immediately. The United States has a responsibility to obliterate Iran before it lets these Giant Squids loose on the world", shouted Barak from the floor of the Knesset. Congressional AIPAC puppets have called for an immediate attack on Iran. Congressman Brad Sherman (D-CA), surrounded by AIPAC bodyguards, raced to the airport to board a plane for Tel-Aviv to receive his orders. "This affects all Americans and especially my constituents in Israel", Sherman noted on the way to the airport.

News will be released as it becomes available. However, Barak has promised to provide the media with overwhelming evidence that Iran and Hamas are planning to take over the world. When asked if he thought the US would enjoy the same success in Iran as it has in Iraq, Barak just laughed. "I know we lied to you about WMDs in Iraq to get you to attack, but this is different", shouted an angry Barak.

USS Liberty Was Attacked by Giant Squid

by oneangrycomic

In 1967, Israel was accused of torpedoing, bombing and naplaming the USS Liberty in broad daylight. It was thought that Israel was trying to sink the ship and make the US believe that Egypt had attacked it, hoping to drag the US into a war (as Israel forced us to attack Iraq). However, new evidence uncovered by Mossad agents now proves that a Giant Squid attacked the USS Liberty and that Israeli war planes were actually trying to save the crew!

"It's all been a tragic misunderstanding", cried Israel's Defense Minister and Terrorist Ehud Barak. "We're so glad to finally put this behind us and move on." Barak also pledged to investigate rumors that Palestinian scientists created the Giant Squid as a secret weapon to attack Israel and its friends.

Since it was discovered that the Giant Squid just recently attacked the Gaza Flotilla and fans at a hockey game in Washington, DC last year, stories and theories have been flooding us from the Zionist propaganda media. In Washington, politicians have rejoiced at the news that they no longer have to cover up the attack on the USS Liberty. "We're very relieved to be able to finally discuss the tragic loss of American lives in public, now that we have proof that Israel didn't attack us back in '67", shouted several AIPAC puppets from the floor of the senate. Congressmen quickly passed a bill calling for, "Israel Saved the USS Liberty" national holiday.

No official acknowledgement of the attack on the USS Liberty has ever been allowed because all the evidence pointed to Israel as the attacker. Now that there is proof that the Giant Squid attacked the ship, politicians are pushing for a memorial park and statue honoring the Americans who died. Survivors of the USS Liberty massacre held a press conference where they insisted that the Giant Squid story was a lie. However, none of the networks or news agencies covered their conference - go figure.

It's a good bet that we haven't seen the last of this Giant Squid. We will continue to follow this story and we can't wait for more information from Ehud Barak and Mossad as they investigate the allegations that Palestinian scientists actually created the monster. When asked why the Giant Squid would attack the Gaza Flotilla if it was created by Palestinians, Barak responded that, "Perhaps they have lost control of it, much like Dr. Frankenstein lost control of his monster?"