Mossad Ties Hamas & Iran to Giant Squid

by oneangrycomic

Israel's intelligence agency Mossad today revealed more evidence linking Hamas and Iran to the recent Giant Squid attacks (see other stories). In the latest photo, captured during a daring Israeli commando raid, Iranian scientists are seen bathing an adolescent squid in radioactive water at one of their secret nuclear facilities. "We believe that the radioactive waste water is crucial to the final stage of development", explained Mossad scientist Wannabe Mengele (no relation to Josef).

The evidence is building daily that Palestinians and Iranian scientists have been working together for decades; Hamas reportedly took over the experiments in 1987. According to Mossad, newborn babies are being kidnapped from Israeli hospitals by Hamas terrorists and spirited away to a secret Iranian nuclear plant. The babies are then bonded to a specially bred squid and the resulting hybrid squid is then subjected to radioactive baths to accelerate their growth. It is thought that the babies are taken from Israel because they probably won't eat shellfish, but this has not been confirmed.

In a speech given before the US congress, Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak expressed his concern that the US hasn't attacked Iran yet. "This matter deserves your immediate attention before we are attacked by an army of Giant Squid", cried Barak. Congress quickly voted to attack Iran, while AIPAC representatives collected the ballots to ensure a fair count. However, President Obama vetoed the declaration of war on Iran, citing really shitty intelligence from Israel about Iraq. Obama could not be reached for comment as he is hiding in a nuclear bunker, fearing for his life after daring to oppose Israel's orders.

Barak vowed to continue to release more evidence linking Palestinians and Iran to the Giant Squid. Barak had intended to visit other countries to seek support, but his friends advised against it because (as with many Israeli politicians) most countries would arrest him for war crimes if he was stupid enough to try and visit.